The other side of the mirror

So much is written and discussed about old age people. Their problems - financial, social and physical - but very rarely the other side of the story.

In Bangalore, so many young couples are working in IT industry in different shifts and coping with various time zones. They also have children (one or two maximum). In previous times most of the parents had worked in govt. authorities or nine - to - six schedule. We have always seen our father at home latest by 6:30pm to spend time with us or reading newspaper alongwith tea and pakodas. Children were studying in govt. schools ( without any shame) or public schools fee structure was also not very heavy. Mothers used to work at home and there was rarely any pressure of being a working mother. Parents also had pension schemes in their organisation for their old age and therefore very less worry about saving too much.
But today things are changed and money plays a big role. This generation works in multinational companies in odd shifts. These companies does not provide any security after leaving the company. On top of it, immense pressure of children's upbringing and their education. Cut throat competition and job hopping have made the things even worst. It is a continuous race. Most of the young parents are working in different locations away from their birthplace and relatives.
With all this, so much hype is created for old age parents and their mental insecurities. Although parents have saved for themselves and often they does not want to stay with their children as their son and daughter-in-law is working and they have to take care of grand children. Even if a full time maid is appointed at home but keeping an eye on the maid is a responsibility. Odd shifts and kids with various class schedules and gizmos are another tension to grand parents.
I feel that it should be the personal choice of the parents and children if they want to be together or away from each other. But there should not be any pressure or blame game. Most of the times children listen from their relatives that they have left their parents alone but it is not always true. Sometimes parents does not want to be a solution for their children's hectic schedule and odd working hours. They don't want to be disturbed with the noise of kitchen when their son or DIL (daughter-in-law) has come home mid-night after work. They don't want to be disturbed when DIL is getting up wee hours to prepare food for the family because she has to start for work early morning. They don't want to be the helping hand but just want to enjoy their old age nicely with bhajans and friend's gathering. They judge their kids love with the money they have spent on them.
I don't have any issues if they choose to be away from their son, as they have all the right to enjoy their last days of life after so many responsibilities but they should make this clear to all the friends and relatives that it is their own choice and their son has not left them alone. We should rather try to be together emotionally if not physically.
Everyone will reach to this old age and kids observes how we treat our parents. They learn values from the behaviour of their parents. Being money wise is good but sometimes we should trust our children.

Different opinions

Being an insurance advisor from LIC, I tend to meet new people everyday and actually this is quite fulfilling. May be this is a gemini trait. I am sharing some of my experiences here

Few days back I met a young lady aged 33 - They have to reveal the actual age due to my business requirement :) She is sister of my ex-colleague so we knew a little about each other. She got married approx 5 years before and both husband and wife are working with multinational companies. During conversation I asked if she was pregnant (again my business requirement). To my surprise ...she questioned me - What have I got being a mother - I had to leave my career and spent almost 5 years completely at home...most of the time doing household cores like cleaning, cooking or washing for kids or teaching them values of life..and on top of it saving for their future and education from the single income we have and even after all this, not sure if they are on the right track or not...I was speechless for a while and did not argue with her, but could not stop wondering about views this generation is having for the family. I personally feel it is a selfish way of living as you earn and spend on yourself and never think about sharing it with others. What if our previous generations have also thought the same way and our existence was doubtful.

The very next day I met another man (aged 40 years) who is head of the company and doing well not only for his wife and two sons aged 15 and 10 years but also helped his two younger brothers in their careers and while talking he was so content and calm. He was also very concerned about the future of his sons and their education. Being at the top in his company, he travels a lot and spend most of his time away from family. But he tries to be back home on weekends to spend time with his kids and wife.

It all made me think and realise how the generation is changing and becoming 'practical' But does it really help ? What will they have to cherish when they will retire. I grow with my sons....I am doing my business and studying in 10th and 6th too...as my sons are my part....I feel happy with their success and always encouraged. We play and read together. We dance and roam around. I love being with them specially while in the car as we scream at the top of voice (singing) Because I know that even when I will not do anything I have my kids success and growth to live and cherish....but what would be there at our old age to look for if we don't have children?

I would have asked for the same family even if god would have given me choices .....

My Kathak Teacher

I have recently joined classes for Kathak - a classical dance form from U.P., India. From my childhood days, I used to love watching programs based on classical music and dance. Once I requested my mother to teach me this dance but she refused. Now when I got this opportunity (the teacher stays in my layout only) I could not stop myself.

The day I joined, My teacher, Bhawna had told us about the history of Kathak and how this dance form was misused by some dancers during British rule and mutilated its reputation. She also explained why we use our right foot or hand to begin with our dance. While listening to her, I observed how dedicated she is to her teaching. She had answers to all our questions and curiosities. I just loved talking about it and learning about various 'dance mudras'. I was really impressed the way she explained each and every step along with its proper angle of hand and leg moment. Needless to say, that she is a perfectionist and does not compromise on any moment unless it is done perfectly.
I also talked to Rachna, my friend, who has learnt Kathak from Bhawna, the same teacher. Rachna also had all the praises for Bhawna and informed how so many ladies have joined Kathak but could not continue for more than a month or two. I am very lucky to have a teacher like Bhawna and that too so near to our residence. I am thoroughly enjoying every class and practicing very dedicatedly at home. My sons are amazed to see me doing dance steps even when I am cooking or cleaning my house. They have also learnt some of the 'tukdas' (the words of dance like ' ta theyi theyi tat') alongwith me. It is just the beginning and I hope to continue with the same dedication if my leg pain will permit me to do the same :)

The message of ''3 Idiots''

I have watched "3 Idiots" on the day of its release as I promised to both my sons. All of us enjoyed the movie a lot and later its preview was also amazing. Today I read in the newspaper that its income is more than 240 crores and I would rate is a 5* movie.

The movie is having a question to the current education system. Although Mr. Kapil Sibbal, Education Minister, took some bold steps to change the way marks are given and now it is changed to grading system. Class X board is optional and continuous assessment is emphasised but the bigger question is 'Does it change the attitude of a teacher or parent?' Coming back to movie it says that there is no machine to check the brain pressure and current education system is giving a lot of pressure to the children but this new style is not going to change anything.



Manas, my elder son, is studying in IX std and we got a call from the school to get more information about the new changed grading system, where the student will be analysed on overall basis, be it sports, attitude towards teachers peers, school or its property, stage performances, class project, assignments, unit tests, mid-year or final year. I would say that the tension is expanded not only during year-end at the time of exams but also in the whole academic year. Can any student be the best in all these areas? Ultimately it is marks and relationship with teacher. One example to quote - Biology teacher have asked to bring a medicinal plant and a short note on that. I was out of town and Manas could not bring a new plant instead he took one which was available in my garden but he got 6/10 in his project with this reminder that now grades will impact his 10th result. How would we change the attitude of teachers. Manas is always a disturbance for his teachers as he asks so many questions. He wants to persue his career in English writing and scoring more than 90% in English but all other subject's marks are coming down drastically. He just can't cope up with Maths and Physics but have to study till 12th Std. He is favourite of his English teacher but just because he is scoring good marks in that subject. What about other subject teachers? Why teachers like only those students who score good in their subject? Why this discrimination on the basis of marks? My son is good as far as knowledge goes but writing exams is major problem with him. Teachers agrees that he is nice human being, very helpful, understands all the concepts and have full understanding of the subject but when it is exams time than marks goes for a toss and a frustration is visible on the face of the teacher and then it passes on to me and Tanay. I could not see any reason of happiness with the changing system and on top of it, School principal have insisted to opt for grading as well as for Xth boards (which is optional) because this is going to be the first year of trial of the new system in case of Manas. I sometimes gets frustrated and definitely the impact is on the children too. How long can we ignore the attitude of the teachers and happy only with the knowledge children have gained.
I have actually compared the system of today's education and the one shown in the movie. Can any child become first if he has been kicked out of all the classes he has to attend as shown in the movie? Can any teacher leave his/her ego and encourage child only to gather knowledge. I can see the pressure on Manas but can I help him? How can he avoid to pay attention on other's grades or marks. What is changed??? Initially the fight was for each number and now the slabs of 5-10 marks is defining grades. But where is knowledge or encouragement which each child should get. Half of children's time is going on unproductive activities e.g. Chart making, Doing project in a certain type of file etc. My younger son has written an essay thrice just because scrap book was not available in the market and other books were not acceptable to the teacher. But can we do anything about this??? I am still searching for answers? Hope my sons are not having so much brain pressure. But this is important only for me...

bye bye 2009 and Welcome 2010

Ah..what a fantastic beginning of the new year 2010. We had a party in our layout and I had been given a responsibility of arranging a teenage kids fashion show. Initially it was really tough to bring all the kids together and ultimately I had a group of 8 children to prepare for the show. So many themes were discussed and finally bollywood characters were finalised. Overall it went well. The evening began with a problem as the orchestra was late----very late. He had promised to arrange everything by 7 pm but he was not available till 9pm as he stuck in traffic jam...an excuse we all can use in Bangalore everyday :) Finally music was set by 9:15 and Bhawna, Bunty, Tanya and Manas hosted the show. The dance programs were awesome. Fashion shows of kids, teenagers and finally ladies (an era of 60's) was also well organised. In between, a singer from orchestra team have bored us. He was a pathetic singer. Shantanu of house no. 19 from our layout has sung far better than the orchestra fellow. Around 11:30 all the programs were over and floor was available for the dance ....everybody was just waiting for this time. We all have danced and enjoyed till 12:30 and welcomed new year 2010. Manas danced till 1:30 and was very happy. First time Ajay and Manas performed on a dance number(Smack that) together. They have also participated in fashion show too. Both have enjoyed a lot. Food was also arranged and we all have eaten there. Later at night Tanay and Ajay ate paranthas at home. They both don't enjoy outside food and always look for some home cooked food. Finally we all slept by 2 at night. It was truly a memorable new year beginning...

How capable I am !

The nest of young eagles hung on every word as the Master Eagle described his exploits. This was an important day for the eaglets. They were preparing for their first solo flight from the nest. It was the confidence builder many of them needed to fulfill their destiny.
"How far can I travel?" asked one of the eaglets."How far can you see?" responded the Master Eagle."How high can I fly?" quizzed the young eaglet."How far can you stretch your wings?" asked the old eagle."How long can I fly?" the eaglet persisted."How far is the horizon?" the mentor rebounded."How much should I dream?" asked the eaglet."How much can you dream?" smiled the older, wiser eagle."How much can I achieve?" the young eagle continued."How much can you believe?" the old eagle challenged.
Frustrated by the banter, the young eagle demanded, "Why don't you answer my questions?""I did.""Yes. But you answered them with questions."
"I answered them the best I could.""But you're the Master Eagle. You're supposed to know everything. If you can't answer these questions, who can?""You." The old wise eagle reassured."Me? How?" the young eagle was confused."No one can tell you how high to fly or how much to dream. It's different for each eagle. Only God and you know how far you'll go. No one on this earth knows your potential or what's in your heart. You alone will answer that. The only thing that limits you is the edge of your imagination."
The young eagle puzzled by this asked, "What should I do?"
"Look to the horizon, spread your wings, and fly."

A little praise

I wonder how a small positive comment leaves a great impact on one's life. There are many people who can do so much more than their current capabilities if we praise them a little.
Being a punjabi born in Delhi, dance has always been a forbidden thing in our family and whenever I showed a desire to learn dance, my parents looked at me as I have made a blunder or asked them to do something very dirty. But today scenerio is completely different and that stigma is all gone. In South India, learning a classical dance has been compulsory for the girl children and I always find it so nice to see young girls of age 5-6 learning 'kathak' or 'Bharat-natyam'. And this practice has reached to Delhi too with little changes, because there I have found more dance schools of western dance. But at least people are realising the importance as it not only give you a new way to express but also good for health.
I have got my first opportunity to learn dance now when I have reached at the age of 38 but still it attracts me the same way as it did at my young age. And since I have started I found myself laughing at many odd moments. Today when my dance teacher praised and later advised me to learn 'kathak' I was overwhelmed and all those old memories comes to my mind.
I wish parents should listen to their kids and let them learn and do what they want without any stigma attached to it.